solid...merrh loch-ness monster.

If you a doctor and you see the loch ness monster you are CRAZY. Apparently. Even though you have a degree and years of study to make your sighting reputable, the instant "I saw a dinosaur carrying a sheep across the road," comes out of your mouth you are a wack-a moley-job.(and by this I mean insane)

Why am I talking about Lochness monsters? Other than the fact I am a believer in Nessie-pooh, I was reminded of something a friend said to me recently.

But lets go back to the idea of being "solid."  (it's in the title! read it) dictionary.com says "Solid" means: "reliable or sensible; upstanding"

Korea is transitional. It can be a prefect place to run away, or hide. To be whoever you want to be, or to find out that you were in fact confused on who that person was to begin with. You change, you change friends, you change and you change friends again. Every week it seems like someone is boarding a plane, getting on a boat, or jumping ship.

Then are the phone calls, the emails from home, the facebook statues, and the blog updates. All shouting the same thing to you: SOMETHING HAPPENED without you. Whatever it was, something bad, or good or just plain different has happened WITHOUT you. THE POINT IS You weren't there. The experience is not a shared one.

Living away does something, making being "solid" impossible. There are times when I feel I am in a bowl of moving jelly, and not the tasty kind. Where emotions move like waves and I'm literally that girl who cannot decide if she's happy or sad.  Glad that I'm here or disappointed that I missed something at home.

So what does this have to do with loch-ness? My friend said, "no one's 'solid' we're all grasping with claws saying 'merrrrhhhh(HELP ME!)'" (and then she gestured like she was a soupy version of a swimming dinosaur)

And you know what? That's me. I am a soupy loch ness monster. Korea's a struggle and the "me" here is not the normal "me." I haven't done everything I could normally do but I've done what I can. And you what? THAT IS OK. Sometimes you can't be everything, you can't go everywhere, and you can't please everyone.
and that's okay too! Being 'Solid' sounds good, but sometimes you realize that you're broken and that you're mushy. yeah. mushy. And you need time.

Wow. This post has gotten entirely away from me. A product of letting my mind run straight through my fingertips and onto the keyboard.
MERRRH