That is a puppy...you should not sweep it.

I have a veritable collection of tales from the chronicles of "Sarah Hanka and Faith Taylor mayhem." IT never begun as mayhem or "carnage" (Hanka is flowery with the words...a British trait??) but always seemed to turn out as such.

I will provide the beginning of these tales....where did this duo find themselves in trouble? when did it start? maybe I can trace it back to a logical point...probably not.

Within the first month of Korean shinanagins (eg living in this foreign Asian country) Sarah and myself tried to have a meal. For those taking notes: TRIED is the key word here.

It was our first experience. and we decided on the exploration of Seomyeon. Lemme see if I can explain Seomyeon to the clueless. It is the center of Busan and for the first timer it is a maze of shops, Angel-in-us coffee shops, restaurants with no discernible difference, and did I mention coffee shops? Yeah Korea is caffeinated....a little too caffeinated if you ask me...

Well on our walk: conversation began. The first of many...

"what are you looking to eat mate?"

"food" I said looking at the street surrounding me in confusion. Were people actually selling giant teddy bears as key chains? wouldn't that cause undo hand muscle strain when opening a door? These are the kind of thoughts I think. Scary isn't it?

"well they seem to have that..." Sarah trailed off.I turned in her direction, just in time to see the man in the  Clown mask.


A man with flyers for a "restaurant,"(I put quotes here because I didn't dare venture in) had stepped in our path. His suit glistened in the street light(shiny...) and from his Clown mask a cigarette hung out the mouth opening. I doubled back in terror.

The clown mask wasn't the friendly kind. We aren't talking Bozo. We are talking "IT" tourture clown style.

As I leaned back into Sarah I whispered, "WHAT kind of Marketing technique would you call that?"
truly...I don't remember if I said those exact words, but I most certainly thought them.

I remember him standing in the street light trying to hand me a flyer, my eyes popping out at the very idea. My thoughts circled....Who would follow him to whatever resturant he was serving...why was he dressed like that? It wasn't even close to halloween. What is this strange land called "Korea?" Why is he still leaning forward? Is he trying to scare me into entering his establishment? (I will NOT be bullied.) Why are they selling giant teddy bears as key chains??

There seemed to be no forthcoming revelation. No parting in the clouds. And still now a year later...I feel just as confused as I was on that night.

Questions, Korea....nothing but questions.

So we skipped around him, half running away....laughing to relieve the stress. And found a place to eat...
where we haphazardly pointed at the menu in a whimsical guessing game...and were served..."dinner" Again the quotes.

We were served... the following: 
a glass bowl with ice, decorated with a scant number of peaches and sliced tomatoes.
silk worms
and Kimchi jiage.
total cost: around $20.


beautiful aren't they???

On our way to the second dinner of the evening( Felt a little like a hobbit. )...we were met with a display of animal hawking. (hawking here means selling)

Tiny puppies shivered in the March wind, as a sleepy unemphatic vendor stared after them. Sarah and I stared at the dogs. (Hanka is a big fan and has told me on many occasion that she would rather spend time with a canine than a human. She once compared me to the furry creatures claiming she liked me "as much as" a dog. This is a true Hanka compliment)

After awing at the dogs we heard a scraping sound behind us.

"What is she doing?" Sarah asked.

I turned and saw another woman with a large broom in hand. She was carelessly sweeping the road of litter. At this very moment one of the puppies bounded in her path. Surely, she'd stop her sweeping, or deter her course...No that would be logical. And that was our first mistake. Never assume logic exists.

She proceeded to sweep the puppy along with paper flyers and other litter. The puppy half ran, half tumbled along as being unable to avoid the power of the broom.

Sarah and I turned away in shock.

"Faith, she swept the puppy." Sarah whispered.

"I don't understand." 

"No where in any civilized society do they sweep canines." Sarah contiuned. "That is a puppy. you should not sweep it."

WATCHING ANTS masquerading to be a Jpop group.(I'm onto you.)

First, let me start by explaining the trouble I went through to go to Japanland for a concert. A CONCERT....

I experienced a plane ride the day of the concert from my domicile

 Ran through the tokyo metro....(HAVE YOU SEEN THAT MESS? cause it is one), checked into my hostel, and navigated to the Tokyo Dome. OH GLORY. If you have never been to the Tokyo Dome I will be supplying pictures so you understand the pandemonium experienced there within. IT IS PANDEMONIUM. 

Ok so imagine 50,000 JPOP fans(I FEEL YOUR JUDGEMENT!)  

milling around the outside of this stadium. Imagine 3 white girls wide-eyed in disbelief and pure rapture at being ad-mist fans who love the same people we do. 

We were memorized, amazed and awed at the paraphernalia everywhere. AND I MEAN EVERYWHERE.
"Did you see them?" I whispered to my friend, gesturing to some girls cos-playing as Kat-tun(you with the confused look, let me help you out cos-playing means dressing up as) .

 (I realized at that moment I am not hardcore. If that was you, I'm SLOW CLAPPING FOR YOU RIGHT NOW....)

We checked out the merch. tent. And let me tell you that in itself is an experience.

Imagine a line, longer than your life, being PATROLLED by security. Who will not let you. 1. take pictures of the dome. STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING..

They are very orderly and after you snake your way through the line to the tents, you can purchase your goods. But here is what happens. PANIC.

I have no idea why, but all of the sudden my friends and I found us under the compulsion to buy EVERYTHING.  I was feverish. "kame poster...poster...poster... key chain... bag...book... photos,..... wait...where did my money go???"

And I felt like I had TO HURRY....or I would possibly die/they would sell out (that's the same thing right?). Not considering that they had mountains of the stuff.   I was like a Zombie thinking one thing "BRAINS....BRAINS...."


YOU MAY NOW ENTER

Upon entering the Tokyo Dome, which is only about the size of the sun.

My friends and I attempted to find our seats. I say "attempted," because I am the stupid foreigner. I am not offended by this. It's true.

We gazed at our tickets....GATE 40.....row 65....I was previously prepared that we were high up. I knew it before the cute Usher spotted us and told me "WAIT WAIT" (yes adorable man, I will wait for you.)

Cutie Pie Usher however felt it necessary to count every row until our seat. I kid you not. "1 to 65." It went like this:

"row 1....(shakes head) no..."
"row 2....(shakes head) no..."
"row 3....(shakes head) no..."
....
"row 64....(shakes head) no."

To finally arrive at row 65, where there is no oxygen. 

Now I am not complaining...but some other people could have been down there for all I know....If It were me, I would totally sit back stage and back my orders to have someone else run around in my costume pretending to be me...yeah I'm a nice person.

 




But I still HAD A BLAST....and loved it. So gloorrry be.

a replay of my excitement (ask me about this sometime.)



The Mc was long of course, and my Japanese limited to "Cool" and "do your best" meant I took my cues from the audience...laughing along where they laughed...nodding when they 
nodded and so on.

 I did A heck of A LOT of AWKWARD laughing...perhaps you are familiar ...especially at English words....MONKEY SEE....MONKEY DO.

      Encore 1 It's never REALLY over now is it?

       5 large Chain ballons complete with smiles were unleashed  Where they hid them was a mystery to me. Hmmm....I must find this out.

A VERY large inflatable chain was “tied” to each and below the 5 balloons hung a basket with a member in each. 



 Part of it deflated, and I sense… someone was FIRED.  And should it fall on you......



And of course it ended as everything does....and I cried my tears and managed to bend my posters on my way out of the Dome. 

I'm still weeping.

Is my foot bleeding? Why no sir. no it is not. TRANSLATION: Ina's feet are too beautiful to be neglected....

Ok. Okayyyyy. so you're sick of Tokyo stories. TOOOO BAD for you. push the back button...ps. I think you're lame. (I have no idea why I feel so defensive today.)

So whilst on my fabulous third trip to Japan. (I love it there, in case you didn't know....in which case how are you my friend?) Ina and myself decided to revisit the beautiful structure called the Tokyo Dome and explore without ceasing it's endless caverns of shops and hello kitty merchandise....

And of course we had to eat. The following event occurred whilst we were trying to have a meal.

Ina and I ordered our Delicious Japanese meals and headed to stare at the passersby at the counter by the window. Where we were sitting resembled a food court....oh for heaven's sake it was a food court.
(so pretentious.)

As we stared into the crowd of teens wearing clothes 10 sizes too big...(why is this ok for a Japanese uniform?) and men on bicycles. I became aware of a presence near ours. Call it a premonition or call it seeing his shadow hang over my bowl of ramen...whatever.

Some Japanese fellow had ambled over to us in a rock step manner and was pointing with fierce determination at Ina's delicate feet.
Since I was sitting next to Ina, I cannot accurately describe the scene as it occurred. My eyes are on the front of my face and do not rest on the sides of my temples. (how terrifying would that be?? Horse people...everywhere horse people...)

Here is what I observed in the most scientific of manner.
Subject A: Japanese man in his 30's bending over and touching Ina's big toe.
Subject B: Ina staring in disbelief and confusion as she tried to find her non-existent injury.
Subject C: Japanese college student sitting near Ina looking to Ina's feet in confusion, then mortification.
Subject D: that's me glancing toward the window and pretending to not understand what was occurring. Pretending?.... there was no pretending.

When subject A, (the Japanese man with an interest in Ina's delicate flower feet moved away). I turned to Ina in an attempt to understand the events I had witnessed.

"Is he gone?" She whispered.
"uh...sure." I said. Confession: I didn't actually look.
"Good." Ina breathed and pulled something off her foot. I stared perplexed at the Anime band aid. now destroyed by Ina's vehemence to remove it. The character was no longer smiling on it's pink surface.
"What happened?" I asked.
"He pointed to my foot, like I was bleeding. So I looked at it. Then he put this!" she gestured to the band aid. "On my big toe."
I coughed back on my noodles. "Uh, why?"
Ina stared in confusion, "I think he just wanted to touch my feet."
I narrowed my eyes and looked around suspiciously, trying to see if subject A(band aid weirdo) was anywhere close. He had disappeared just as quickly as he had come. Like smoke, in the Tokyo dome. in the cafeteria. in the food court (....that cannot sound eloquent).

I googled "Horse people" for my own amusement and one of the first suggestions that popped up in the dialogue box was "Horse dating people"....I feel dirty. >.<
The following image isn't even close to what I wanted to find on the Internet....oh well. since when has Yahoo search not disappointed me.

and I also found this image....this perhaps is your reaction to my story.... mostly I like yoda...

God in the small stuff, Even the fan club crazies.

I'm deviating from my original format. 1.Tell you a funny story(at least one I think is funny). 2. make you laugh at my ridiculous life. However, you will get a story.

Recently, I posted my adventure of meeting my OMA, see the post below for clarification. I proceeded to post this on a public fan club account. MISTAKE #1. (why I labeled it #1....there is no #2.)

Rather than rejoice with me(my anticipated response) I was unexpectedly fanjumped. It involved aggressive messages, and abusive language. I was even tweeted about.

I came home from my birthday dinner to receive words that had me in tears. That is WHEN God showed up.

Lovely people, I have never met, or spoken to came to my defense. Wrote me letters and encouraged me.
And it amazed me. . Amidst Cyber bullying. God showed up. amidst stupid fangirling. God showed up.


 God showed up.

Organized FANDOM... aka how I met the object of my affection looking like Chewbacca.

So if you are reading this post, you have not yet heard the story.... or you have and find some strange pleasure/satisfaction in reading my ramblings. (I'm much obliged to you then.)

Note: I am a fangirl. This horrendous confession is true. but rather than shudder away from your judgmental stares I will embrace them. Knowing that I am 1. truly in love. 2. It is sincere. 3. it is deep. 4. it is lasting. And recently my existence was made known to the object of my affection(OMA for short)...when we stared into each other's eyes. sigh...pure bliss.


I went to the musical "Dreamboys." I know what you are thinking....sounds like a stripper show right?  Well remove your mind from that gutter and imagine a theatre, Jpop music, high flying aerobatics, and of course...glitter. (I reread that and realize that may not help my case) ha.

After a spectacular show and potentially my last time seeing my OMA, I convinced Ina to return to the scene of the crime. I was hoping of repeat last year's experience where I lined up all orderly-like with other Japanese girls to SILENTLY wave to a....CAR...as a chubby hand waved back from the window. And that was the end of my expectations.

But still I padded my hands together in a hope that my prayer to meet my OMA would be answered.

I had changed from my previously dressier outfit into a t-shirt and essentially no make-up. I laughed at the girls around me adorned with makeup kits and fancy dresses. Why were they readying themselves for a hand! HA! silly Japanese fans.

I stood confidently...greedily eating my ice cream, ignoring any looks in my direction. These girls just don't know how this works. I laughed....

 Whenever a Japanese person would come down the corner yelling something, I would shrug and follow whatever cue I could pick up on. Shuffle here. Stand there. be quiet. Squeeze tight. 4 people in a row. orderly orderly. good job fan club girls.

That was how the whole thing went, until Letters appeared. 600 girls with letters. Everyone had magically produced them and Ina, myself, and a handful of Japanese women where ordered out of line.
The instruction went like this: "No letter....No line"

WHAT??! my mind spun...why was the line moving? could it be that my OMA was meeting people with letters? INCONCEIVABLE! and me without one???? UNACCEPTABLE!


"Quick INA! PAPER!" I may have been hysterical and panicky... After begging several Japanese women (WHO WERE BY THE WAY AROUND 60 yeah figure that out?), for paper I hastily wrote the worst letter I've ever penned, in green pen. It went like this:

Dear Kame,
I came from America to see you. You are wonderful performer. You are my favorite member of Kat-tun. I (heart) U.

That includes a giant heart on both the outside and inside of the letter, which I folded and continued to perspire on.

At this point I was considerably less beautiful than before. Hot and sweaty, hair turning into a lion. I must have resembled chewbuka.
for the uncultured....


When we finally discovered that my OMA was at the end of horrendous line. I got way too excited, to which Ina attempted to calm me down. I think my answer was: "Shut up./don't you tell me to calm down!" or some variant of that.

I saw him in the distance, and realized. 2 facts. 1. we were the first foreigners in the line. 2. I HAD to go before Ina.

It was Go time. I had been desperately clasping Ina's hand, my heart beating wildly, every time a tearful fan passed on her way from meeting OMA. But now I shoved a surprised Ina behind me, and snarled, "I'm going first!"

Ask me if I would have done that differently and I will ANSWER: NO.

MY OMA stood before me. Hair curly from his shower, grey shirt, and black pants. He looked tired and said nothing. His eyes met mine and widened in surprise. I appreciated the surprise. SCORE! Now I remember what I looked like. His surprise was probably not a reaction to my beauty.

I came to life with extra energy and fumbled with my letter. "errr....THANK you...." I put on my biggest smile. It was probably super frightening. I bowed like a school girl in an anime and placed my letter with two hands into his.
I looked up just in time to catch his eyes, and see him give me a toothless smile.

I turned around  remembering my friend.
"FAITH!" Ina screamed. and I grabbed her hands, and much to the disdain of the Japanese fan club girls we skipped and shouted down the line. I might have done some variation of jig, kicking my legs out wildly.
I possibly resembled tom cruise on Oprah....

Then I cried.... then I couldn't breathe.... then I sat down and tired to remember my name... oh rapture!




here is my OMA

If I get one comment that he looks like a woman...

"THAT is a Wine bar....I will buy you 1 drink."

Setting: Tokyo, Japanland. Chuesok 2012 (Korean thanksgiving for the laymen.)

Scene: Ina and myself have just decided that clubbing was never going to occur during our time in the magical and wonderful place that is Japan. After this conclusion has been reached, Ina and myself decide to go and have something fruity to drown our sorrows over our last evening of vacation. We are dolled up (as far as I can be "dolled" up).

Ina and myself are walking around Jimbocho. It is approximately 11:00pm. We notice a Wine bar nearby and stare at it for a moment. Both of us are scared to go in. Something about being a foreign country...We look at it indecisively.

Ina: Should we go in?
Me: ummm..... I don't know.... (leaning closer to said establishment even though I am still across the street)

This is when an old Japanese gentleman ambles towards us. He is dressed in a white collared shirt and black pants. He has a pooh bear tummy and a chubby wrinkly face, framed with Ms. Potts glasses (who is Ms. potts you ask? I don't know myself) For convenience sake and my own amusement I have named him below.

Pooh Bear Potts(Japanese gentleman): "Excuse me?"
Ina and myself look up.
Pooh Bear Potts (tapping his chest): "I am an old drunken Japanese man."
Ina and myself: we assess PBP. He is indeed Asian, and if his placement is an indicator, he may well be Japanese. but our results are inconclusive.
Pooh Bear Potts (gesturing broadly): "That is a WINE bar."
Ina and myself, stare at the wine bar and back at Pooh bear Potts. We conclude that Pooh Bear Potts is correct and that is in fact a Wine bar slash eatery.
Pooh Bear Potts(sticking a pudgy finger in the air): "I will buy you 1 drink!"
Hmmm.. one drink, one drink. I think this over.
Me ( shakes head): "No thank you."
I grab Ina's elbow and begin walking. Pooh Bear Potts rocks along beside us.
Pooh Bear Potts (peering from behind his glasses): Where are you from?
Ina (surrendering to the inevitable question): "America."
Pooh Bear Potts (rolling his head from side to side): "I don't know. I don't know."
Ina: "Oh....umm....U.S. A."
Pooh Bear Pots (light bulb): "Oh yes."
Pooh Bear Pots tries once more to get us to go to a bar with him, to which we refuse. He must guess our answer because he is already floating away from us. But still he finds the need to whirl around with one last question.
Pooh Bear Pots: "Why not? I am too handsome?"

Yes. Mr. PBP. you guessed it. You are indeed too handsome.