Thursday, November 29, 2012

Holy CATS! I'm glad I woke up.

For a few days I have been wracking my brain to think of something humorous to write. Dear me...my brain works terribly and in strange concentric rambling circles. (is that possible...)


Here is a snip it of my brains inner workings: ...Hugs, hugs,hugs...I hate that student..Japan...what is new in japan?....Holy CATS! why did I look up what is new in japan?....NEW JENNA MARBLES!...puppies! kitties!!! frowny CAT! lolllllcats....
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allow me to introduce you to a major time waster...i.e. frowny cat.














Anyway. Luckily, I came up with a story of a true event that happened in my apartment about 2 weeks ago.  And it must start with a confession: sigh....here we go.

I AM A SLEEPWALKER.

The cabinet of Dr. Caligari....
sleepwalking in all it's terror
I know you are squinting your eyes in disbelief. You didn't know but don't feel down on yourself friend.  I too,  for a large portion of my life I lived obvious to these escapades of Nocturnal weirdness. (that reads oddly...but I'm not changing it  hmph!)
 If you did, bad for you, because it means I did something very strange around you during the period of time reserved for dreamland.


Previous events include but are not limited to:

1. walking down the hallway to stare at my brother while he is sleeping and leaving only after he has awoken to his creepy sister leering in the doorway.
2. Slumping in my roommates door frame to tell her that there is  a "ghost man" in my room.
3. Trying to escape the hotel room but being unable to because the chain is still on the door.
4. Hitting the side of the bunk-bed whilst angrily shouting, "Hey! HEY! HEY YOU!" While my roommate in fear for her life hid beneath the covers.
5. Switching a lamp on and off and declaring it defective.






So the event that unraveled in my apartment is a little hazy, misty and jumbled....but unfortunately it happened.


When I sleepwalk I can sometimes be partially be aware of events but have no control. intrigued??? ready for an opportunity to laugh at me and say "YOU're SOOOOO weird." well I'm a people pleaser so here you are.

Sometime during my sleep I became convinced, ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED that the following was true:

1st that I was on vacation in America
2nd I had to be back to Korea on Monday
3rd it was Sunday.

I awoke some time later to find the GLOWING SCREEN of my COMPUTER staring at me as I was sitting in an upright position. Which in half dream sleep, I closed and fell back into a foggy sleep.

I cannot remember my exact actions but I will conclude that the following had to happen.

So in complete, blind and entirely irrational panic I had, OPENED MY LAPTOP.
Entered my password. this takes some doing...I pride myself on my password strength. even I sometimes don't know it.






Loaded the internet page for EXPEDIA....and attempted to book a flight from AMERICA to KOREA.

It was during the destination page that I became confused as to what exactly I was doing and became a little lucid.

CUE the wake up.

Now. how fortunate it is that I could not figure out the internet enough to enter a credit card number. I mean SERIOUSLY. I don't think I was lucid enough to think of trip insurance. in which case there would have been a large charge on my credit card...that I would be weeping over for months to come. I am breathing a sigh of UTTER RELIEF!!!
this would have been me.








and there you go. I am a WEIRDO who likes trolling the airlines for flights in her sleep.






Sunday, November 25, 2012

"Teachah. Why sad?"

So anyone who knows me knows I have an infinity to Asian. Did someone gasp??? You can see yourself off this post.

It was revealed recently that OMA(object of my affection) has been meeting with an older woman....now.before you get worked up... calm down. It's just one picture...or three connected...but really who is counting....errr. this girl
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So When I discovered this paparazzi shot I moped, groaned, put my hands on my head and tried to reason myself from jumping off the ok fangirl ledge into complete crazyville.  It was a close call as I tittered on the edge of sanity.

I went to my class and could not shake my mope. I dragged myself into the room of my BEST class. (God's timing is lovely aint it?)
Arms practically scratching the floor. 

My students watched me with wide eyes. I barely managed the normal greeting before asking them to return the favor and ask about my life for once.

One played along.
"TEACHAH! how are you??"
"TERRIBLE!" I threw my head down on the teachers table and kept it there. My students GASPED in loud concerned shock.
"Teachah?" in worried tones "Why?"
"My idol crush...." I sighed, and they were hanging on my words. I barely picked my head up from the table. "Is dating another woman." I let my head hit the table again. (YES I WAS BEING DRAMATIC! sometimes it's fun to play with my kids this way....err. I was playing right???)


To which there was instant sympathetic groans and cheers of "Fighting teachah," "you're pretty teachah"

yes. thank you lovely student for making me feel better about my tendency to look like chewbucca.

I frowned extra deeply. "There are pictures."  I made the camera snapping sound and demonstrated with my hands.
This is when the student with the large eyes, cute bangs, a band aid she literally wears on her face everyday(this is a mystery I've encountered for 2 years), and a mischievous smile, leaned forward to SLAM her fist down on her desk.
"OH SHIT!" she moaned in complete and utter empathy.

Now I'm normally a together teachah. I can handle most tomfoolery. but that was too much for me in my emotional state.
I laughed with both hands over my mouth to contain my squeals and turned to the blackboard. It was unsuccessful  Of course my laughter led the rest of the class into chaos.
To which I had a class of 30 students repeating her phrase(LISTEN AND REPEAT Koreans are good at that)....not exactly English class appropriate. It was a chorus of "shits"

so Naturally I tried to look serious as I told her it was not a good word...but even that ended up looking like this....
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Anyway...after regaining control. 

I finished the lesson and returned to my desk. To which I automatically turned on facebook.
This greeted me. And let the giggle fest continue forever.
underneath....
"Faith these are the real pictures" I've got some good friends and students eh?





Monday, November 12, 2012

James Bond...aka Creeping around

I'm a little ashamed to write this....Ashamed it took me so long! teeheee. take that to the bank.cash it in. Bam. money.

During our time in Japanland, Ina and myself decided that we would do the following, in a very James Bond manner (NO I DID NOT SEE your beloved SKYFALL, stop asking!) maybe it's better to name it after Boris and Natasha. (IF you don't know who they are....we are not friends.)

Our plan:
1. find Johnny's entertainment
2. sit outside and wait for Japanese Celebs to see us from the upstairs window, come outside and invite us in for sake. (maybe not sake...that's gross) I would take a soda...or koala bites...mmmmonononononon.

Koalllaaaaaaaa........

There is most likely some rule against this written in some obscure corner of the internet...e.g. a Japanese website. (I'm telling you what I don't know. helps me.)

Of course for our mission we were dressed in the most inconspicuous of manner....a bright pink
 t-shirt(myself) and a orange sweater(Ina).And the fact that we are the color of paper, helps us blend in considerably well. Well camouflaged indeedy.

We mapped out our route...aka got directions from the hostel manager..and headed out.  40 minutes later we had arrived at our "destination." 
Curious that we couldn't find it... 40 minutes, 8 consultations of different street maps, and  of course following random attractive men that seemed idol-esc (here this means perfect hair, white teeth and nice clothes) later we realized that we had turned the wrong direction out of the subway.


And at long last we came upon J& A entertainment....Behold it's.....











ERRRRRR glory????
This was the place that birthed the grand concerts that filled the tokyo dome???? This is where my OMA sat in meetings? INCONCEIVABLE !!!!! It was an unimpressive little building with a blue sign and several serious valets/drivers who appeared to have nothing better to do than to scowl at us and get in and out of their identical cars.


























So you better understand our day....I made an accurate log. Read on read on.

Data entry Log: 10-1-2012 time: 11:55 am
1. Driver #1 parks his car, and disappears inside.

2. Errand boy runs to the drug store across the street. (HOW CAN I WORK IN THIS DRUG STORE????????? me want.)
3. Driver #1 exits and parks his car across the street (in front of us) scowls at us.
4. Errand boy emerges from the Drug store with 1 bottle of water. Disappears back into J &A entertainment.
5. Driver #2 parks his car, goes inside
6. Errand boy goes up the street for a jaunt and back into the Drug store.
7. Driver #2 moves his car across the street not forgetting to SCOWL at us.(we were most defo breaking rules)
8.Errand boy comes out of the Drug store with again only ONE SINGLE BOTTLE OF WATER.

This routine must have happened a dozen times within the (cough) 3 hours we sat across the street (yes we were afraid of the small men)
The weirdest part was(no not the 2 white girls drinking soda and staring at the entertainment company) that the  ERRAND boy only bought one bottle each time.

Ina and myself did finally give up on the greatest spy mission ever....and decided to (GASP) walk across the street and on the sidewalk in front of the actual entertainment co.

It was then that the ERRAND BOY appeared  possibly coming from the.... DRUG store...
Ina grasped my hand in excitement.
"I'm gonna say hi" she squealed.
oh dear. 
It is fortunate that my lovely friend Ina did not do her normal Japanland greeting, which had over the course of our trip developed into her doing little hops, waving her arms in a birdy fashion and saying a very slow "heeeeelllloooo"
(I love you friend. from the bottom of my heart.)


"Hellllllooooo!" Ina said as ERRAND boy passed.
ERRAND BOY could/would not be bothered with any formalities of politeness, and SCOWLED at INA (I think this is taught in training at J &A entertainment). And he must have practiced his frowny face in the mirror...truly a work of art.










Ina stared helplessly after ERRAND boy as his determined steps carried him farther away from her.(or to the drug store)
"Bye." she whispered in defeat.
Ina turned to give me  a big puppy dog frown. "That was mean."
Unable to contain myself I giggled and linked my arm in hers.  "He had important things to do."
"Like what?"
"Like buying another bottle of water....never occurred to him to buy more than one." 


ok I give in...
Boris and Natasha

At one point we did sneak around back to find yet another unexciting setting....


yeah.....J&A they live it up big!