An unexpected Visitor....Meet Frank.

I called him "Frank"...this does not under any circumstances make him a pet. He was a plague, a disease,  an affliction, a personal tormentor, a living abomination,  much more than a nuisance, a symbol of the fall, and a nightmare inducer.

He was a huge, ninja-quick, Cockroach that I surrendered my kitchen to sometime last summer.


When I tell this story I expect you have your judgement prepared. That you think me a baby, a wimp, a pansy, and that I am wildly exaggerating the events that took place. To you I say calmly, "WHERE YOU THERE?! DID YOU WITNESS THE LIVING MOTHRA THAT ROAMED MY KITCHEN ! "

again....for the uncultured...


and No I know Mothra is not a cockroach, blog jerk...but if frank had a cousin! it would be him.

To CLARIFY FRANK is a cockroach....not a pet and not a moth.

ACT 1: THE DISCOVERY!
I walked in my kitchen on a typical night switched on the the light and saw something that made me do a double roundhouse flip out of my kitchen
. I slid the door shut with a firm slam, turned the light off again from the outside ( I was thinking "HIDE HIDE!")and DESPERATELY dialed my friends number. I think my phone has imprints from my abuse!
ME(screaming): MEAGAN!!!!!
Meagan: Faithy why are you breathing funny?
Me(cowering in the corner): Meagan there is the mother of all cockroaches on my kitchen cabinet!
Meagan: Faithy can you see him now?
Me(peaking through the glass door to get a visual): Nooo.....Meagan I'm scared.
Meagan(as talking to a child): Faithy you need to get a shoe.
Me (IN COMPLETE TERROR, mind spinning ): What do I do with this shoe??
Meagan: ....
Me: MEAGAN HE IS REALLY BIG! AND SCARY. HE MAY EAT ME!!!
Meagan(trying not to laugh): I know it is terrifying.
Me: Ok...ok...I'm going in.
I slowly opened the door to discover....NOTHING! Frank had vanished. I cautiously placed a toe in the kitchen...The phone was still adhered to my ear.
Meagan(alarmed at my silence): Faithy...
Me: He's not there.
Meagan: Aww good maybe he ran away...

IF ONLY.
I sighed and locked my kitchen after being talked down from searching for the invader.

Act 2: the HUNT "DEAR FRANK. Leave my apartment and die. love, faith."-facebook update

The first thing I did was CLEAN my entire kitchen. I mean dishes everywhere, and bleach. lots of bleach. I stocked up on traps. I prepared myself for war.

Frank would appear a the top of my cabinets finding himself a cozy crack to make a house. Sticking his antennae out in mockery of me.
I felt his pride. His joy in ruining the life of a civilian unaccustomed to fighting off monsters.
I couldn't reach him. I could only put traps and bait and wait. Oh the waiting....
There would be days when it seemed to be successful and then I would see him again. dashing under the microwave or slinking into the sink drain.

During this time...where I cooked and finished my meals quickly and throwing a white flag to FRANK to claim my apartment I posted updates on the turf war that consumed my life.

"Beyond frustrated....Frank must be a super bug  and you are probably just as annoyed as I am that this subject is still my status content. He moves to fast to kill and traps and raid doesn't work...good gravy. I'm at my wits end."

These statuses consumed my facebook for more than 2 weeks!
Causing many of you to CRY "USE A SLIPPER!"
 to which I responded...."NO REALLY?? and what happens when he takes my slipper and beats me with it!?" SERIOUSLY...no one had any idea what I was dealing with.

Frank was too FAST, TOO BIG FOR TRAPS....in fact my parents sent me traps to catch him with, and TOO SMART for bait...yeah. he was special. maybe governmental engineered. a tracking device for foreigners.

ACT 3: THE MADNESS ENDS- "Just sprayed bleach in Franks face."

When I finally had enough. I ended it. Frank decided to mock me once more and I took aim with a bleach bottle. Twice I hit him with the burning substance. He recoiled into his home. He had acquired 2 now. one at each end of the cabinet. It was like a very disgusting game of WACK A MOLE.




Again he went missing. And I watched with vigilance  Until Ina discovered him in the crack of my door  separating Frank from my living area and my bed.

Ina did what I was unable to do. And smashed him to pieces with her slipper. Now..Frank was barely moving, but I, having the fear of God set upon me dared not touch him.

I have seen no other Cockroach...but my fear has kept me alert and watchful.  Who knows what evil lurks in my kitchen, waiting to scare the living daily lights out of me.


Meet Frank...this is not him...but a much smaller version...the interwebs disappoint again.

I almost vomited in my search for a FRANK twin..
.and then had to be hospitalized for a period of time.

Someone had to make this...that someone was me.