Is my foot bleeding? Why no sir. no it is not. TRANSLATION: Ina's feet are too beautiful to be neglected....

Ok. Okayyyyy. so you're sick of Tokyo stories. TOOOO BAD for you. push the back button...ps. I think you're lame. (I have no idea why I feel so defensive today.)

So whilst on my fabulous third trip to Japan. (I love it there, in case you didn't know....in which case how are you my friend?) Ina and myself decided to revisit the beautiful structure called the Tokyo Dome and explore without ceasing it's endless caverns of shops and hello kitty merchandise....

And of course we had to eat. The following event occurred whilst we were trying to have a meal.

Ina and I ordered our Delicious Japanese meals and headed to stare at the passersby at the counter by the window. Where we were sitting resembled a food court....oh for heaven's sake it was a food court.
(so pretentious.)

As we stared into the crowd of teens wearing clothes 10 sizes too big...(why is this ok for a Japanese uniform?) and men on bicycles. I became aware of a presence near ours. Call it a premonition or call it seeing his shadow hang over my bowl of ramen...whatever.

Some Japanese fellow had ambled over to us in a rock step manner and was pointing with fierce determination at Ina's delicate feet.
Since I was sitting next to Ina, I cannot accurately describe the scene as it occurred. My eyes are on the front of my face and do not rest on the sides of my temples. (how terrifying would that be?? Horse people...everywhere horse people...)

Here is what I observed in the most scientific of manner.
Subject A: Japanese man in his 30's bending over and touching Ina's big toe.
Subject B: Ina staring in disbelief and confusion as she tried to find her non-existent injury.
Subject C: Japanese college student sitting near Ina looking to Ina's feet in confusion, then mortification.
Subject D: that's me glancing toward the window and pretending to not understand what was occurring. Pretending?.... there was no pretending.

When subject A, (the Japanese man with an interest in Ina's delicate flower feet moved away). I turned to Ina in an attempt to understand the events I had witnessed.

"Is he gone?" She whispered.
"uh...sure." I said. Confession: I didn't actually look.
"Good." Ina breathed and pulled something off her foot. I stared perplexed at the Anime band aid. now destroyed by Ina's vehemence to remove it. The character was no longer smiling on it's pink surface.
"What happened?" I asked.
"He pointed to my foot, like I was bleeding. So I looked at it. Then he put this!" she gestured to the band aid. "On my big toe."
I coughed back on my noodles. "Uh, why?"
Ina stared in confusion, "I think he just wanted to touch my feet."
I narrowed my eyes and looked around suspiciously, trying to see if subject A(band aid weirdo) was anywhere close. He had disappeared just as quickly as he had come. Like smoke, in the Tokyo dome. in the cafeteria. in the food court (....that cannot sound eloquent).

I googled "Horse people" for my own amusement and one of the first suggestions that popped up in the dialogue box was "Horse dating people"....I feel dirty. >.<
The following image isn't even close to what I wanted to find on the Internet....oh well. since when has Yahoo search not disappointed me.

and I also found this image....this perhaps is your reaction to my story.... mostly I like yoda...

God in the small stuff, Even the fan club crazies.

I'm deviating from my original format. 1.Tell you a funny story(at least one I think is funny). 2. make you laugh at my ridiculous life. However, you will get a story.

Recently, I posted my adventure of meeting my OMA, see the post below for clarification. I proceeded to post this on a public fan club account. MISTAKE #1. (why I labeled it #1....there is no #2.)

Rather than rejoice with me(my anticipated response) I was unexpectedly fanjumped. It involved aggressive messages, and abusive language. I was even tweeted about.

I came home from my birthday dinner to receive words that had me in tears. That is WHEN God showed up.

Lovely people, I have never met, or spoken to came to my defense. Wrote me letters and encouraged me.
And it amazed me. . Amidst Cyber bullying. God showed up. amidst stupid fangirling. God showed up.


 God showed up.

Organized FANDOM... aka how I met the object of my affection looking like Chewbacca.

So if you are reading this post, you have not yet heard the story.... or you have and find some strange pleasure/satisfaction in reading my ramblings. (I'm much obliged to you then.)

Note: I am a fangirl. This horrendous confession is true. but rather than shudder away from your judgmental stares I will embrace them. Knowing that I am 1. truly in love. 2. It is sincere. 3. it is deep. 4. it is lasting. And recently my existence was made known to the object of my affection(OMA for short)...when we stared into each other's eyes. sigh...pure bliss.


I went to the musical "Dreamboys." I know what you are thinking....sounds like a stripper show right?  Well remove your mind from that gutter and imagine a theatre, Jpop music, high flying aerobatics, and of course...glitter. (I reread that and realize that may not help my case) ha.

After a spectacular show and potentially my last time seeing my OMA, I convinced Ina to return to the scene of the crime. I was hoping of repeat last year's experience where I lined up all orderly-like with other Japanese girls to SILENTLY wave to a....CAR...as a chubby hand waved back from the window. And that was the end of my expectations.

But still I padded my hands together in a hope that my prayer to meet my OMA would be answered.

I had changed from my previously dressier outfit into a t-shirt and essentially no make-up. I laughed at the girls around me adorned with makeup kits and fancy dresses. Why were they readying themselves for a hand! HA! silly Japanese fans.

I stood confidently...greedily eating my ice cream, ignoring any looks in my direction. These girls just don't know how this works. I laughed....

 Whenever a Japanese person would come down the corner yelling something, I would shrug and follow whatever cue I could pick up on. Shuffle here. Stand there. be quiet. Squeeze tight. 4 people in a row. orderly orderly. good job fan club girls.

That was how the whole thing went, until Letters appeared. 600 girls with letters. Everyone had magically produced them and Ina, myself, and a handful of Japanese women where ordered out of line.
The instruction went like this: "No letter....No line"

WHAT??! my mind spun...why was the line moving? could it be that my OMA was meeting people with letters? INCONCEIVABLE! and me without one???? UNACCEPTABLE!


"Quick INA! PAPER!" I may have been hysterical and panicky... After begging several Japanese women (WHO WERE BY THE WAY AROUND 60 yeah figure that out?), for paper I hastily wrote the worst letter I've ever penned, in green pen. It went like this:

Dear Kame,
I came from America to see you. You are wonderful performer. You are my favorite member of Kat-tun. I (heart) U.

That includes a giant heart on both the outside and inside of the letter, which I folded and continued to perspire on.

At this point I was considerably less beautiful than before. Hot and sweaty, hair turning into a lion. I must have resembled chewbuka.
for the uncultured....


When we finally discovered that my OMA was at the end of horrendous line. I got way too excited, to which Ina attempted to calm me down. I think my answer was: "Shut up./don't you tell me to calm down!" or some variant of that.

I saw him in the distance, and realized. 2 facts. 1. we were the first foreigners in the line. 2. I HAD to go before Ina.

It was Go time. I had been desperately clasping Ina's hand, my heart beating wildly, every time a tearful fan passed on her way from meeting OMA. But now I shoved a surprised Ina behind me, and snarled, "I'm going first!"

Ask me if I would have done that differently and I will ANSWER: NO.

MY OMA stood before me. Hair curly from his shower, grey shirt, and black pants. He looked tired and said nothing. His eyes met mine and widened in surprise. I appreciated the surprise. SCORE! Now I remember what I looked like. His surprise was probably not a reaction to my beauty.

I came to life with extra energy and fumbled with my letter. "errr....THANK you...." I put on my biggest smile. It was probably super frightening. I bowed like a school girl in an anime and placed my letter with two hands into his.
I looked up just in time to catch his eyes, and see him give me a toothless smile.

I turned around  remembering my friend.
"FAITH!" Ina screamed. and I grabbed her hands, and much to the disdain of the Japanese fan club girls we skipped and shouted down the line. I might have done some variation of jig, kicking my legs out wildly.
I possibly resembled tom cruise on Oprah....

Then I cried.... then I couldn't breathe.... then I sat down and tired to remember my name... oh rapture!




here is my OMA

If I get one comment that he looks like a woman...

"THAT is a Wine bar....I will buy you 1 drink."

Setting: Tokyo, Japanland. Chuesok 2012 (Korean thanksgiving for the laymen.)

Scene: Ina and myself have just decided that clubbing was never going to occur during our time in the magical and wonderful place that is Japan. After this conclusion has been reached, Ina and myself decide to go and have something fruity to drown our sorrows over our last evening of vacation. We are dolled up (as far as I can be "dolled" up).

Ina and myself are walking around Jimbocho. It is approximately 11:00pm. We notice a Wine bar nearby and stare at it for a moment. Both of us are scared to go in. Something about being a foreign country...We look at it indecisively.

Ina: Should we go in?
Me: ummm..... I don't know.... (leaning closer to said establishment even though I am still across the street)

This is when an old Japanese gentleman ambles towards us. He is dressed in a white collared shirt and black pants. He has a pooh bear tummy and a chubby wrinkly face, framed with Ms. Potts glasses (who is Ms. potts you ask? I don't know myself) For convenience sake and my own amusement I have named him below.

Pooh Bear Potts(Japanese gentleman): "Excuse me?"
Ina and myself look up.
Pooh Bear Potts (tapping his chest): "I am an old drunken Japanese man."
Ina and myself: we assess PBP. He is indeed Asian, and if his placement is an indicator, he may well be Japanese. but our results are inconclusive.
Pooh Bear Potts (gesturing broadly): "That is a WINE bar."
Ina and myself, stare at the wine bar and back at Pooh bear Potts. We conclude that Pooh Bear Potts is correct and that is in fact a Wine bar slash eatery.
Pooh Bear Potts(sticking a pudgy finger in the air): "I will buy you 1 drink!"
Hmmm.. one drink, one drink. I think this over.
Me ( shakes head): "No thank you."
I grab Ina's elbow and begin walking. Pooh Bear Potts rocks along beside us.
Pooh Bear Potts (peering from behind his glasses): Where are you from?
Ina (surrendering to the inevitable question): "America."
Pooh Bear Potts (rolling his head from side to side): "I don't know. I don't know."
Ina: "Oh....umm....U.S. A."
Pooh Bear Pots (light bulb): "Oh yes."
Pooh Bear Pots tries once more to get us to go to a bar with him, to which we refuse. He must guess our answer because he is already floating away from us. But still he finds the need to whirl around with one last question.
Pooh Bear Pots: "Why not? I am too handsome?"

Yes. Mr. PBP. you guessed it. You are indeed too handsome.

The Great Escape-or how I locked myself inside my bathroom and managed to annoy the whole neighborhood with my wobbly wails.

So this has to be the most epic and embarrassing moment I've yet to have in K-town and what better use of my free hour than to blog about it. 

Yesterday: 9:00pm. 

"Mom," I said. "I'll call you back." It was shower time. I went into my small Korean bath, and shut the door, and from here on out everything went wrong. 

10:00 pm

I did my thing and had turned the bathroom into a veritable sauna by the time I finished. I put my hand on the handle and turned. Nothing happened. Now my door has been sticking as of late and so I thought that it needed some jarring. I turned and pushed, and the door stayed in it's place. I narrowed my eyes and tried once more. Replay of the the previous scene. 

I put my hands on my hips and considered my options. I could start yelling, and wake up everyone in the vicinity (there are no English speakers in my apart.), or I could try to escape. 

At first the challenge seemed exciting. I thought "no problem, I got this." I scanned my bathroom for something that would be the key to freedom. I found pliers. YES now we were talking. 

I attempted to unscrew the handle and when this failed I felt a little frustrated but sure I could get out. For the next 40 minutes I pulled, twisted, and wiggled the handle in every way I thought possible. When all my attempts ended with me sweating and angry. I opened my small window, to breathe. Like I said it was a SAUNA.  maybe if the steam leaves the door will shrink and open...

What a laugh that was. After waiting a while I sprayed the handle with some cosmetic grease, and managed with exhausting groans to get one screw out of the handle. I turned the handle once more and it seemed to be   finally doing it's job. Or so I thought.....until the handle found itself in my hand and unattached to the door.  

At this moment my panic kicked in. I was alone. in my apart. in ASIA. I didn't have a phone. I looked at the window trying to gauge weather I could squeeze through the porthole opening...That was NOT happening.

Images of newspaper clippings and websites with the headline "foreigner dies after days trapped in bathroom" filled my thoughts. I also thought....When I don't show up to school my co teacher will kill me.

So in anger and an attempt to draw attention I slammed my fist against the door. I hit it, and and hit it again. I have a bruised palm to prove my rage. I saw the door as my enemy, my foe, worthy of a death. I rattled and created such a commotion that the woman below me stepped outside and looked up.

"Help me!" I cried in mangled Korean. 

"WHAT?" the woman responded, which sounded incredibly rude in Korean. "MWO?????!"

"TWA-juesayo!" I yelled (help).

"MWO?!!!" was the response....really did I need the attitude?

"TWWWWWWWWA-juesayo!" 

"What do you want Woman?!" was the response in korean. haha. really? REALLY?

The yelling woke up the neighbors across the way who also yelled "MWO?!!!"

"I can't open it! My door....no open...broken." was my cry.

After repeating the request for help and asking them to call 119, in korean that is 911. The neighbors finally understood. 

And I heard moving next door. 

"Password?" A Korean man asked through a small window nearby. I told him twice and heard him successfully enter my apartment. 

He messed with the handle for awhile and left a few moments later. The next 45 minutes involved 3 korean men, and the landlady's attempts to free the frightened foreigner. Broken English was used as an attempt to get me to help from my side, "stick, push, no..pushy...pull....stick." You are probably just as clueless as I was.

Finally, I heard a pounding of a sledge hammer. YES A SLEDGE HAMMER.....The inside of the door quaked and I backed myself into a corner. The lock had to be KNOCKED through the door, resulting in a large hole.

"Come out" they called and I slowly opened the door. 

The scene was the following...3 men, two under 30 and an older gentleman, starring at me in my towel that is far to short to cover me in any short of decency. I mean in Korea they cover shoulders! and here is my foreigner self, chubby, white and almost naked coming out of my shower. 

I stood in the door for a moment and the old man looked at me and said in Korean.

"Come out little fool."  really? was that necessary!?

I gulped and came out. 

I thought they are going to leave and I can get dressed. HA NOPE. 

Another 10 minutes went by where the men discussed the problem, while I awkwardly stood in my towel. The hallway door was also OPEN.

At one point a phone was handed to me, and my Co-teacher on the other end. She was laughing.

AND THE MEN WERE STILL THERE. I was still in my towel.

I talked to her and hung up. but through some confusion a second phone call was made.  

another 5 minutes on the phone in my TOWEL. 

Finally the men exited and I was allowed to put on clothes. 

The moral of the story: 1. never shut the bathroom door. 

2. Bring a phone with you when you pee. 

Dear God, I'm thankful for the towel. 

Don't put that Spoon down....

An Eating experience in Hong Kong. (aka hongkongity.)


Let's go eat. How about this restaurant? Ooo. look it's close to our hostel.
It's hotter than the surface of the sun outside. Hurry hurry. Oh air conditioned restaurant. I love you.
yes. I would get down on one knee and propose, if you'd have me.
Wow. fancy fancy. Glad I put on my new dress. Glad I can show my shoulders. Glad people don't think my shoulders are scandal worthy. happy happy.
Sit down. Ooo. So many waiters. You are fast little waiters aren't you? You are observant waiters. Efficient good waiters. run along on your merry way. me like.

Ooo water, yay. Ooo tea, Ooo English menu. Hurray. Yes, dumplings sound delicious. Yes,yes, yes, noodles, "noodleeeeeees." Hahaha. Kungfu Panda joke. Hahaha. Panda, hong kong. Hahaha. I'm a child.

Ooo more tea...yes...I guess I needed some more. You linger waiter...and smile.err...try a compliment, maybe they'll leave. "Hi....Thanks"
Not quiet a compliment but close. You seem appeased. Maybe that is the cue.
Thank you for stepping back. But you didn't step back very far. I guess you are cute...in a sweater vest way.

New waiter, why hello? Checking the receipt are you? Good. You can see what I ordered. very efficient. I hope you get a gold star on your name tag. Do you like stickers? My students like stickers.

Ooo. food.  Checking again are we? I think it's ok. Why are you a different waiter? Why do you hover? Yes I can use chopsticks. It's ok. thanks.

Thanks for exploding dumpling. My place mat is very colorful now. Look up, very slowly, play it cool. Fantastic, all 4 of our waiters witnessed that. Awesome. You can call on me to fulfill your western stereotypes. Yep. after a year and a half in K-town I can't manage chopsticks.

Tea again. Not sure I need it this time. You look familiar waiter...hmmm... even though you are new. ponder...ponder... Oh...you're expression is changed. please stop smiling and leaning. please take your tea pot and go back to lurk in your corner. I'm scared.

Noodles. they are here. Oh check that receipt one more time. Linger a little longer. good. I'm glad you're so diligent but please put the smile away. It's frightening.

No I'm not done with my soup. Yes, I realize I put my spoon down but that was to breathe. Yes, I need to breathe. I like breathing. air in, air out. That's how I do that.

Creepy woman, stop lurking behind Elaine. You're lurking reminds me of something...ponder again...We aren't finished eating. There is nothing to clean up.

Ok. I'm done. Hello creepy waiter. Good job, better take that spoon away as fast as possible. Can't bear to have it sitting on the table for a moment. Why do I recognize you?

Oh...4 waiters. standing behind Elaine. do you want us to leave? Why do you smile and stare? If you are trying to make me feel awkward you have accomplished your mission.

Creepy waitress. stop. it. Oh...you're smile is bigger now but it doesn't make me feel warm and fuzzy....

Ok we are leaving. bye-bye.



Our waitress's doppelganger.

A taste of the horrible.

A typical day in my class that occurs in the designated time period "after escuela." That's spanish and I'm so burnt out that I can't even think to correct myself.

Bell rings.  Get up slowly. "God help me."
Grab role book.
Walk up the 5 flights. Huff huff. Why are their so many stairs?
"Hi teacher! HIIIIIIIII TEACHERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAHHH! "
Smiling students, oh why aren't you in my class? Look at that cute student. Smile Faith, do it.
Smile.
"Hi teacherah." Why are you so frightened student? Why do you flee?
Enter classroom. So noisy. What did the last teacher feed you? Mountain Dew Frappe's with chocolate hearts and a side of 24 hour energy?
Put role book down, try to look serious. Why are you climbing on that other student? Why, you student who is so kind in all my other classes stare at me so disdainfully? I didn't assign you that homework, I don't make you go to hogwan. Stop burning a hole in my face. Did someone take away your magical Frappe?
"Ok" Quiet students. For the love of all that is holy sit down. Stop tickling her. Stop stealing pencils. Stop drawing poop. really poop? Stop asking me what the english word is for poop. I don't want to tell you.

Role call. Yes, I am saying numbers. Yes, you're name equals a number. Yes, an English number. Yes, you are number 12. Raise your hand. Raise your hand means put your arms up. Demonstation needed. ok. there you go.
Finish. only 40 more minutes.

Assigned seats. why? because you were jumping on desks. Why? I don't know. Why don't you tell me?
"Let's start, Today we are going to learn about Spring"
Blank stares. Why? Why the blank stares?
Vocabulary. Spring, bee, flower, ......Stop kicking her! No. I won't tell you the word.
death glare. Noisy students. quiet. good. I will take away points. do you want to sit in assigned seats forever? Guess so.
Only 30 more minutes.

Worksheet. Finnally. Walk around. look at students.
"TEACHAH TIREEEED." I know student.
"TEEEACHAH What is BEEEEE?" hand motions. "ahh teachah. I know I know."
"TEACHah, bathroom." No you can't go. Why? because you won't come back.
"teachah yellow water." eww. stop. you can go. I'll time you.
"teachah..." Giggle giggle. "teachah." Giggle giggle. No I WON'T TELL YOU THE WORD.
Only 10 more minutes.

Ok. finish? ok. No sleeping. Put your head up. Why are you raising your hands? "puuuuttt your hands up."
I know it's a song. yes. I know. 2pm yes. Yes. Handsome. No, not all handsome. NO, I WON'T TELL YOU THE WORD! STOP ASKING! No, I don't like Justin Bieber. No, I don't have a boyfriend.

Ok. Short game. Short game. 2 teams. Yes you are on that team. Ok rules. Draw, guess. easy.
Animal: Zebra. ZEBRA. Ok. what is that? Why did you draw Poop? for the LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY! ring bell. ring.
Ring.
"BYEEEEEEEEEEE TEACHAH."
Bye. Thank you Jesus.